A Random Rumination

If we truly are to believe we have been saved, then it must be from the brink of certain death.

Anything less does not warrant saving beyond this side of eternity.

Weeding the Garden of My Heart

Amidst the vast expanse of a grassland, lies a garden reflecting hues of yellow and green from its yearly summer bloom of flora. A fleeting glance of the sight cajoles an impeccable imagery of paradise. Oh what a glorious sight.

However at a closer glance, the edges of flowers reveal hints of impending doom; traces of foreign plants, going against the normalcy of what a perfect garden should entail.

Weeds.

Some have walked too long with clouds overhead, and grown to love the dark of shade.

Cowering under the flattery of highly alluring flowers, weeds are grown; out of sight, out of mind. If not careful, by the turn of a season, the summer bloom might just regress into destruction.

Isn't this an apt parallel of our hearts? Whatever we keep secret (or sacred for that matter), in the shade of our beguiling persona, we run the risk of a looming catastrophe.

Navigating the precipice of the heart is a deep sense of vulnerability, an acknowledgement of that which is beyond our control. Weeding the garden of the heart takes immense security, but with rewards far outweighing the smothering subjugation from the weeds.

A musing in my mind of late.

A Sort of Sappy Nostalgia

Feeling a deep sense of nostalgia as I discover the semester coming to a permanent closure. What a poignant reminder mid-semester.

The end of November would see an education of 19 years come to an end. It was a fleeting moment for me to better understand two decades of the journey. I tried to take it all in.

Wide-eyed preadulthood fades away, as does the flawless image of parent to child. But I was fortunate to have been injected with such an accumulation of feelings tonight, knowing that the journey here had left a deep imprint of friends, memories and blessings, and that God had always been the ultimate orchestrator of it all. 

I had honestly expected to leave town green with a sort of sappy nostalgia, at watching myself close a chapter, and seeing and parting with familiar faces. But it turned out to be a blessed experience for me; aspects of my life I can only hope to re-create as I go along my fledgling journey.

A New Book; A New Chapter

Decided to resume my journaling afresh on a new birthday gift, because a new book demarcates a new chapter; and even possibly a new perspective, new paradigm, new phase, new spirit... Have been trudging on a season that's overdosed with heavy heart baggages, which costed me much of my time and energy as a result of being occupied in the process of making sense of what I was feeling. In so doing, the tenets of my paradigm and beliefs in certain things I held on to were shaken tremendously and abruptly. Coping with the mammoth emotional crunch took a large chunk of my emotional-heart capacity and I find myself unable to proceed with powerful, victorious christian life. I really wonder if anyone could identify?

What does it really mean when the psalmist attributes the turnabout of a 'heart failure' to God being "the strength of his heart and his portion forever"?

Whatever it is, I'm determined to walk through this with God. I want to be absolutely adamant in being steadfast, righteous and loving. Whatever deceits the devil clogs my heart with, I pray for a contrite heart in return. This is my new chapter.

Why I Am Unstoppable

My name is Marcus
And I am unstoppable

I don't flirt with or date the church
I'm not infatuated with the church
I have no illusion that the church is perfect

What I have is a commitment to love God's church
Not just with words but with my hands and feet
I'll neither point finger nor look further for the answers in the mirror

I believe God's not dead; He's building the church He died for
A living miracle of a bunch of imperfect people loving imperfect people
I believe God has called us to build this church without walls

My name is Marcus
I am a living stone of God's church
And together we are unstoppable

An Adequate Thank You

I've written many socio-political essays, countless corporate application forms, and even an engineering thesis on real-life complexities. But how does one adequately write a thank you? Through the many years of being a recipient of Your blessings, I find myself counting the many instances and acknowledging the fact that there is simply no way of fully describing how thankful I am to have You in my life. If I were to pen down every nitty gritty, I guess that still, would be a severe understatement to all that You have done in my life.

Considering the times where I was not doing so well, and when I was in a desperate need for someone to revive my lacklustre heart, You did it in ways so unthinkable, so unfathomable. Even when I was so emotionally reclusive to people around me, You placed a song that gripped my heart.

I guess I'm really nowhere near in being able to write an adequate thank you, but 3 years later a song would seem like a better fit, summing up the entirety of feelings I have concluded since 2009. Many would applaud the song for its heartfelt tunes, well placed lyrical balance... But as for me, it was a life journey - one with many hills and troughs - together with the faithful One, whom in all things, orchestrated the melodies of life according to His perfect will and plans.

I want to simply follow You.

And here is my thank You, for all You have done.

These Hands

Realised this Chinese New Year will probably be my last one as a student. Very soon the mantle will be given to me to support the family. The hands that brought me up since young; the hands that provided food for the family, and now it's my turn to do the reverse.